feh. The last time I tried to update this it wouldn't let me cause it was all borky and rawr and mean and stuffs.

So I'm trying this again, although I sincerely doubt that anyone much reads it anymore. However on the off chance someone does take a gander, I'm still alive.

I've had a lot going on. And I've moved my thoughts to a more anon blog.

Should you be close to me and wish to know the inner workings of my oh so twisty little mind, drop me a line and I'll toss you the url.

Otherwise, take care all and be well.

We out.

Well I'm updating and it's the SAME MONTH! Oh my goodness call the papers!

Okay that was kind of fun. But not really.

I had something to say, but then I read a few other blogs and totally forgot what it was. And I actually really wish I could remember because it was funny. At least it made me laugh when I thought of it, but now that I've forgotten what it was I'm no longer amused :(

Liz, I know you're out there and read this at least once in a while, I need you to help me change the background and text colors, cause it's hard on the eyes :) Thank you.

I've also noticed that when I don't start with my fingers on the right homekeys things turn out really ugly, but when I do I can not be looking anywhere near the computer and still type coherently and with very few spelling errors. I guess that whole typing class thing in high school paid off. Wow.

I've slacked horribly the last week or so with the dieting thing and gained back a little weight. Oops. But I'll fix that. Renewed vigor and all that rubbish. But every girl needs a little (or a lot if we're going to be perfectly honest here) every once in a while (nearly everyday for a whole week but really who's counting?).

Oh and men are great. Really. No really. Hubby sent me a cute little valentine's day ecard. Which considering I wasn't expecting even that is a really wonderful thing. Especially since I'd reminded him like 4 times that it was coming up. Maybe I expect too much?

Oh and fucktards is my new favorite word. I doubt I'll ever actually use it in a sentence since I'm really trying to curb my sailor's mouth, but it will certainly crack me up everytime I think of it. That's courtesy of Fish over under the clickies on the right of the screen if you want to go take a peek and don't already read the pink blog :)

And yet the original urge to update still eludes me. Bugger. Oh well, it'll come to me eventually. Maybe.

My battle with the evil weight demon is going well. I'm up to 8 pounds and counting. Go me :) Soon I'll be able to wear cute clothes again. Yay. Everyone loves getting rid of fat clothes.

I've also managed to hold off on the brutal yet accidental destruction of my hubby. Yay again :)

I have however run up against a huge nasty brick wall with my search for nursing programs. I'm thinking that looking for the programs online isn't working for a reason. I just don't know what it is. Why wouldn't you have that kind of thing listed online? Poop. So I'll be busting out the good old phone book on Monday and making calls. There's got to be a program somewhere around here that will let me become an RN. Silly online stuff. Bah. The internet is NOT the best place to find things.

I find this disappointing, because let's face it, shopping and looking for things online is GREAT. But not when you can't find what you're looking for.

Also, homemade mac and cheese = yum.

Wow. I wish I had an out of the house job/school/something to justify the purchase of an Ipod. They're SO CUTE!! And I hate to admit it, but I'd have to get the pink one. Even though pink is the color of pepto bismol and hell in general, it's just too cute for words.

Maybe that will be my present to myself upon completion of a nursing program and getting a real job :)

Not that my job now isn't important, but I think we're coming to the end (oh please all the gods that are or ever were!!!!) of my stint as a stay at home mom. Goodness knows I need to get back out into the real world with real people. And I'm sure it's about time he gets to realize that he is not the center of the universe.

Of course being a male, he may never realize this.

Hubby busted out with "I have a selfish streak," today. HAH! Excuse me while I give myself a hernia laughing over that one. A streak my happy white butterflied hiney! It's a freaking CHASM filled to the brim and overflowing with selfishness. But I maintain that he can't help it because it's one of those shortcomings inherent with being male and having a y chromosome.

No offense to men in general. I love men. They're fantasitc creatures. But they are a little focused on the one thing at a time and that's usually themselves. Not that women aren't just as bad sometimes. I'm sure I'm incredibly selfish on a regular basis, but it just doesn't seem that way. Course I'm inside looking out so of course it doesn't seem that way. I'm sure to hubby he doesn't seem selfish when looking out from himself either :)

I should make more of an effort to be understanding of him and his shortcomings (don't even want to go into my shortcomings, because well he points them out all the time so there's no need :P). That can wait til after I have a real job again. Until then, while I am raising the kid and changing diapers and clothes and cleaning up baby pee pee and poo poo and making food and beds and folding and washing clothes and cleaning house.... yeah he can take his selfish and blow it out his ass. I don't have to be understanding right now :P

However, I will give him credit for doing quite a bit of the helping kind of thing while I was at the grocery store the other day. Course it was all stuff he wanted done and I hadn't gotten to fast enough to suit him... but we'll ignore that and just be happy with what he did :) Someday I may get to take a break for real. You know where I'm not out doing a chore and the kid didn't have to go down for a nap before I got to leave and I don't have to be back in a couple of hours because they can't handle more than a couple hours with just the two of them :P

Poor hubby. Men suffer so much at the hands of women. We're horribly unfair to them. But until the day I get to initiate a quickie and be the only one that gets off and then gets to roll over and go to sleep leaving HIM all excited and ready to go, he can just suck it up and suffer the slings and arrows of having a woman in his life!

Well! I finished and sent out my cards by the date I said I would :) I'm stating this just in case you don't read the comments, and let's face it, how many people really do when they come here? Not like this is a famous blog or anything lol!

My neverending battle against the weight monster has progressed in my favor by 4 whole pounds. At least. I'm sure of 4 of them. Yay me! Excuse me while I have a cookie to celebrate :P

My general aimlessness in life has also been solved I think. And let's face it, it was aimlessness. Yeah sure saying I want to write a novel by the time I'm 40, and I want to teach classics or history or whatever on a college level are wonderful little goals. Not saying they aren't. But they darn sure aren't immediate this is what I'm going to do within this time period (and 12.5 years is NOT a time period... it's a decade and change!) and then have done with it kind of things. But I decided and it's awfully nice :) Now all I need is for hubbykins to get his ass in gear and settle down with his job thing so I can do my thing.

It's really kind of a gigantic and thensome pain in the arse when you have to depend on someone else's schedule and course of events to determine your own...

It's also really kind of a gigantic pain in the arse when you're trying to catch a couple of extra z's in the morning only to hear baby shrieks of pain. Yeah. This is pretty much how it went.

Me: (mumbling from the pillow) I think you should make him eggs for breakfast.

Hubby: Okay!

a few minutes of peace and me quietly slipping back into dreamland.

Baby: SHRIEK!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! (fill in much anger and pain and baby screaming)

Hubby: OH SHIT! (running water)

Me: oh what now! (jumping up out of bed and into the kitchen with basically 3 steps and miraculously not injuring myself... solution to all of my personal injuries, always be in a hurry to see what has injured baby)

Hubby had indeed made the eggs and then turned his back on the kid and the still hot burner on the stove and PUT THE PAN IN THE SINK!!!!

First of all, never ever ever turn your back on the kid and the stove at the same time. I always shoo the kid out of the kitchen or do everything at a half turn so I can see the whole thing at once.
Secondly, for the love of pete man how many times have I told you not to put a hot pan right into the sink? Oy!

So with all of the not listening to me going on, the kid reaches up and decides to get first hand experience of just how hot the stove really is, cause us telling him since he could immitate sounds wasn't really enough. So three of his little fingers are burned and slightly blistered now :( He's been sitting with one hand in a little ziploc bowl of cold water all day. He needs a nap, I need a nap... Dunno if it's going to happen.

But he's fine and I can't really blame his father. Well I can actually. It's his genes at work here. Let's face it, the kid wouldn't be male had it not been for his father. He wouldn't have inherited the "I want to find out for myself just how painful hot can be" or insert other potentially life threatening anythings there, gene had it not come from his father. Because goodness knows I am so not the adventurous "let's see what happens when I touch this type." The absolute last time I touched anything I wasn't absolutely sure wasn't going to hurt me was the time my grandmother swore to me on a stack of bibles that the blue light wouldn't be hot cause blue was always cold... Yeah. Needless to say swearing on a stack of bibles and blue lightbulbs don't go far with me anymore....

Oh. My. God. I am soooo bad. I still haven't finished and shipped holiday cards. Man, I suck. I WILL do it by monday. I will I will I will. Check back with me and kick my ass if I haven't. Please.

So. Here I am checking in at the airport in NY. LaGuardia even. And my boarding pass wouldn't print the day before. Minor irritation but no big. So I check the bags and get my boarding pass. And we're going through security and I find out I have to be searched as do all my bags. Wow. At least it was a random flagging and not like they thought I was a terrorist or anything. But I got the wand and it beeped on my bra. Well duh. And so the lady had to feel me up. Which was beyond disturbing. But at least it wasn't some nasty fat sweaty heavy breathing guy. Cause I think I'd have been tramuatized beyond recovery.

And then I went to my mother's this past weekend. So not only have I got all the laundry from NY and the little week after, but now I've got it from the trip to Houston too. So I've got assloads of laundry. Loads and loads. I've made a dent though. That's nice. Next I'll try to get the house back up to par cause it's getting a little icky.

Speaking of icky houses though. OH MY GOD. I watched "How clean is your house?" Two episodes. I can't believe I made it through two episodes. I was revolted. It can't be real. People CANNOT live like that. I mean they just can't. Can they? I mean I get a certain level of dust on stuff and I get antsy. I just can't imagine the horror of living in a place with * shudder * cockroaches in the freaking shower. IN THE SHOWER. How can you bathe knowing there are fucking cockroaches IN YOUR SHOWER???? I almost lost what little I had in my stomach at the time. It was horrible. Suddenly my house looked horrible to me and I could just SEE the bacteria crawling in the bathrooms. Of course my house is SO not that bad. But yeah I had bad dreams about house cleaning that night. Ugh.

I'm sure there was something else I had to talk about, but I've forgotten what it was in the horror of reliving the show. If you haven't seen it, watch it once. Then NEVER again! Cause it's awful. Just scary and wrong. Really.

okay. As Nellie has so kindly reminded me I haven't updated in like a month. More even. Oy. She also kindly provided me an out by assuming I've been busy. For this I prostrate myself and kiss her feet.

Unfortunately I have to be totally honest and admit that I have not been all that busy. Rather I have been lazy. Oh I've been reading blogs. Right and left. But update my own? Too much trouble. So awful of me I know.

So the brief synopsis. The kid is still potty training. Other than a couple of ugly mishaps which have left poopy footprints on the floor (nasty in the extreme thankyouverymuch) it's actually going very well.

I did manage to get presents made and taken to NY. I still have to MAIL presents to CO and CA. Not to mention the rest of my holiday cards. This year was a bad year for me with being on time with cards :( I am a truly awful person. Well maybe not awful. But for some reason days have been blurred this year. I lose whole weeks. Not an excuse, just noting.

Christmas in NY was fun. Chaotic. But darn fun. Airports at 5am are unbelievably crowded. You'd think that xmas eve people wouldn't be in the airport at 5am. But noooooo. There they are taking up space and air and clogging the security line and making me have multiple tiny heart attacks every time I look at my watch and think to myself "The plane leaves in 5 minutes!!!!!!!" Yeah.

It snowed :) That was fantastic. It was the first time it has snowed for us when we've been in NY. Normally it waits til we've left before it snows. Got lots of gift cards :) That's nice cause they were easy to transport. People SAID they liked the cookies and bath salts :) Also nice. My mom in law is totally awesome because she gave me B&N gift cards and Starbucks gift cards. (So did my grandmother)

So it was definitely fun. The kid actually had a good time too. We didn't get TOO delayed coming back. Just an hour and half or two hours while they decided what to do about the insturment monitor that had fried itself in holiday depression. Oh and they lost one of our bags. The middle sized one. Why is it the middle children always get the crap? Poor things. But we got home roughly on time and we got our bag back last night at like 10:30 or 11pm. Amusing.

I finally got the lease resigned. The day before it expired... Yeah.

I've also discovered that everyone! is pregnant. I'm afraid to drink the water. I mean I know I'm on birth control and all... but sheesh. I love being a mom and all, but I really need to have a job for a while before I do the stay at home for another rugrat thing.

I lost 2 pounds. Which I found again in NY plus some of their friends I'd lost earlier in the year. I'll have to misplace them a little more cleverly this time.

I also read both Bridget Jones's Diary books. Hysterical. Even funnier than the movies actually. Because of course I can picture sweet looking Rene Zellwegger screaming "FUCK.FUCK.FUCK." As she looks for lost keys, skirts, shoes, whatever. Also highly amused by the fact that Colin Firth = Mark Darcy in the movies and in the books she has a serious thing for Colin Firth... Guess you had to read it :) Super funny though.

It's also kind of funny how things that normally disgust us become sources of major excitement when related to children. For example (and yes I know this is strange because it's natural and necessary but it's my personal quirk so live with it!) I hate biological functions. You know what I mean. But since the kid has been potty training, I'm all kinds of excited about stuff that makes me want to go wash and disinfect. It's even cuter because when he has his little baby BMs in his potty, he knows to assume the position to have his little hiney wiped. Trust me, it really is funny.

I've also started trying to keep a journal again. Trying being the operative word here. I'm usually so bad about it. But I'm working on it. Course I'm also working on winning the lottery. I think I have a better chance with the lottery in the long run :P

For now, that's all I have. I'm sure I'll come up with more. Oh like our new TiVo. My grandmother sent us one. SO TOTALLY COOL. I love TiVo. It's the greatest. Oh and Rachel Ray. I love the food network. And I love 30 minute meals. So cool. So naturally I've used some of those barnes and noble gift cards for Rachel Ray 30 min meals cookbooks :) But like I said I'm done so more on the whole cooking thing and soap thing cause I still need to do that oh and the joys of airport baggage inspections and being frisked in the airport.... yeah. Done. Will post more later :)